OK, OK, we're sorry about the flower pots. Ditto the damage to miscellaneous pieces of patio furniture. The broken windows were not our fault. Ditto the ripped up ground cover. Thank goodness none of this stuff belonged to "him" or "her", as there would undoubtedly be hell to pay.
We are also really, really sorry about frightening the children, but this is not entirely our fault either as they were out well past the appointed hour for trick or treats to end and anyway the little brats stole all the candy and stuff "they" left out before they went out to eat tapas and get sloshed and left me alone so what was I supposed to do and I am only a puppy and my accomplices are just stuffed animals so how can they be held responsible anyway I ask you and as for the poodles, bichons, and dachshunds that got out and ran amok they have no sense of humor or responsibility and they deserve the chastisements they undoubtedly received when they got home.
The kids really panicked when they saw the enchanted stuffed birds flying around. Bear would like to personally apologize for his lapse of judgment in this matter. In his defense, he did not think the spells would work quite as well as they did. He is only a novice in this craft and he was forced to perform with minimal preparation. The Owl, in particular, was way out of line, and the kid who was so frightened he wedged his head between the pickets of the wrought iron fencing was very unlucky indeed.
Bigfoot also regrets animating the frogs who flooded some of the common area so that Big Frog could lay "eggs". This was a most regrettable event, but we are certain the water will be absorbed by morning due to the near drought conditions we have experienced this autumn.
I must say that I regret placing so much faith in the abilities of Drs. M&M and Monkey T. Frog. Once more they have failed me. They were able to deploy the enchanted stuffed ducks well enough for us to track down THE BOGGLER, but he proved a wily competitor, surprisingly agile for a multi-colored stuffed duck, and managed to slip away when Dr. Frog was distracted by the aforementioned flooding of the common areas. We did, however, briefly capture the infamous DUCK, another bane of my existence, whom we now think is the brains behind the whole ducky ziggurat plot thing.
We might have loosened his tongue were it not for the unfortunate actions of Dr. M&M, who stupidly and thoughtlessly pushed the little button on DUCK's wing that says press here and set off the most horrid torrent of dancing, quacking insanity (there must be a short-circuit in this quackos memory bank). This set off all the stuffed ducks even the broken ones in the Well of Toys. Their demonic quacking still sounds in my truly magnificent ears which should not ever be subject to such mindless noise. We were all pretty scared, especially when the police arrived and started arresting the trick-or-treaters and all the ducks flew off and landed on the pond the frogs had made and got into a big turf war.
Sorry, kids, but this will be a Halloween you'll remember for the rest of your lives. As for all the candy treats, we ate all the peanut butter and left the chocolate and nuts for the squirrels. Too bad, but that stuff is not good for you anyway.
We were just able to get back home in time for "their" arrival. The place was a mess, but I put on my best act of staggering downstairs from the bedroom all bleary-eyed and putting on quite a show of greetings and tail-wagging and slobberings and what-not.
Oh, and the tree. Hey, nobody knows what happened there. Whatever.
"Were you a good little boy?"
"I wonder what he was up to?"
You don't want to know.
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