Under Siege

How would you like to saunter over to your favorite narrow little window and see this monster staring you in the face. Not a very pleasant thought. But an almost daily occurrence this summer. That's right. They're back. The spiders, I mean.

Fortunately, one blow from the flying furry fist of fury was enough to the stun the beast. A second pop would have been the haymaker, but "he" intervened, telling me that the beast had a right to live, blah, blah, blah, and swept it out into the garden.

OK, OK, theoretically he is right, but I shall not miss a second chance. These things are scary.

Ho Hum

Boring, boring, boring. I got to go along on their famous vacation week in Door County. Vacation? I mean they don't work, do they? So what do they need a vacation from. Anyway, I was not impressed.

One good thing, and a precedent for trips to come, I pitched such a freakin' bitch when they tried to leave me parked in the shade while they went on one of their "runs" that they had to take me along. And that was good. There is nothing so satisfying as ripping off at a breakneck pace on my 26 foot leash and watching them huffing and puffing to keep up.

But other than that, they just soaked up the scenery. I got two new water dishes. Yippity do! And also a squeaky frog that lays eggs that I have not yet been able to track down in the house. Hmm. This latter has possibilities.

Back home yesterday. I can see that in my absence the spaniels and the poodles and all the other mutts and the stinky little dachshunds too have taken to parading about the complex with no regard for other's naps and territory. I shall soon put the kibosh on these monstrous affronts to my dignity.

This is Not Spongebobby

OK. I know the old sponge when I see him and this is not him. And neither is old Red Bob, my second favorite toy, himself. No, dear reader, these are impostors. These, dare I say it, are PODS!!!

Or they have been washed and scrubbed, which is next to the same thing.

They have been counted though in the census. So have Bubbabob and Blue Bob, who, oddly enough, seem just like their old selves. They told me, however, that I was right and that S. and R. are different. Not the same.

What to do?

"He" told me to sleep on it and that after a few games of fetch, God's own game, they will be just as stinky and moldy as they ever were. We'll see.

More Census Confusion

I have many bear friends. I have issued a call for all of them to report and be counted. So far none of them have showed up. Instead these guys turned up outside my window this morning. Needless to say, I beat feet out of there fast. But a word to my so-called bear friends. This sort of frivolity will not be tolerated during the census. You have been warned.

An Enigma Wrapped in a Mystery

That's me alright. What am I thinking when "she" is home alone with me singing those weird songs about me? Here's what I look like:

But lets just say that's for me to know and "her" and anybody else to find out. Is there more to me than meets the eye? I don't know and what's more I'm not saying.

Still the sentiments expressed in the songs are very welcome and much appreciated.

Census Woes

Dearest Reader, forgive the extended absence of this blogger from his blog, but, alas, I have been overwrought. You may recall that several weeks or months ago I ordered a complete census of all my toys, calling upon them to gather themselves in groups at a number of sites, baskets, toy boxes, and wells. (Yes, there appear to be no fewer than three wells of toys).

How have things been going? Don't ask. A more cantankerous and undisciplined bunch of fools you will never encounter. Can't anybody here speak Dog? Or English? When I say gather yourselves in groups like all the frogs in one place, all the sponges in another, can't anybody tell what group they belong to? I mean, the sponges came close to some semblance of order, as shown above, but you will notice one is missing - Spongebobby - so we shall have to do the count all over again for the fortieth time.

As for the rest, you can see for yourself. Pigs, frogs, seals, birds, moose, mammoths, all mixed up. I have lost count, even with Bear's assistance, on at least one hundred attempts. Should I ask "him" for help? NEVER! NEVER EVER!!

This is known as a version of the "helicopter" ear look.

Keep in touch and, hopefully, I will be able to APPLY myself and REALLY concentrate into a FULL helicopter - but it AIN'T easy!
Stay tuned.  I'm going into the meditation room now and 'won't be out for several hours.....
Wish me luck!!