The scariest person in the world!

We don't like her. She is weird. She hates animals. See this article about how mean she is. We hate her, too. I have an article about her:
Here it is

Shhhh.....the vampire is sleeping....

Pretty cool, huh?

We finally found the path of evil from our house to the vampire next door.
WHAT'S THAT? you say???
YOU don't have a vampire next to YOUR house? How very odd. We thought everyone had one. Of course, you may be wrong....hmmmm...you'd better check with your local zoning official.
OH!!!! I get it - HAHAHAHA!
You have ZOMBIES next door! That's better!
Guess what.....we have both - zombies on one side and vampires on the other side! (Oh, Moses smell the roses!)
But by using trigonometry, optometry, astrology, googlology and, of course, vampirology AND MONTHS of searching - we FINALLY found the wormhole into the vampire's vile den !

Just happens that last week when we were up drinking some fresh corn pone in the middle of the night (when you-know-who were passed out (!) all of a sudden we heard a blood curling scream from next door.
Naturally, me and Bob ran like hell and hid under the couch (what would YOU do???) until it stopped. It was scary!
Then, the next day one THEY were cleaning (that's a rarity!) and fighting (that's what they do - clean and fight - fight and clean, clean and fight) in a fit of rage he shoved the mop into the stairs too hard, the cover came off and a "hole" popped up!
NOW what are we supposed to do, I ask you?
Its one thing to know there is a vampire next door but its QUITE another thing to DO anything about it.
Seems to me that's the job for a vampire "exterminator."
Bob agrees so we're going to burn the midnight oil tonight, drink some more corn pone and google one up. Wish us luck.
Tune in tomorrow - this should be a good one!
P.S. - Note one "dust bunny" on the floor! HAHAH so much for their "cleaning."

Doesn't this look delicious??

Its my breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Yum! Doesn't it look good? I thought you'd like it. I'll save you some. What's your email address?

Sometimes I eat it in about 10 seconds other times it takes me all day.

At dinner I have it with cheese in cubes - all bunched up

Liver - like I said, yum!

Guess who?

This is what is left of the dead guy. Imagine that.
One minute you are going to the groomer (he did that a LOT) eating french fries and riding your bike and the next thing you're in a bowl.

Makes you think....

DId they think I'm STUPID???

Notice anything ...odd about this.....sponge person?
You DON'T??
What the hell is WRONG with you?? Are you SLOW or something?
Duh!!
FIRST of all....(newsflash!) its not a PERSON at ALL ....did you really think it was? Do you need help of some sort?
Note to readers - that is NOT a PERSON - like BOB is a PERSON - but only a miserable REPRESENTATION of a ....real person (like BOB, for example.)
You get it now? (whew - that was WORK!)
They got me this *THING* at the behest of the WITCHDOCTOR they talked to last Tuesday - that is the same WITCHDOCTOR who snuck into my sleeping brain and tried to steal my most innermost thoughts.
WELL, SHE advised them (I heard this from Bobby who was pretending HE was sleeping on the floor...) that what they might want to do is get ANOTHER (!) "Bob" from the same store where they stole or "bought" him and then HIDE BOB so I would FORGET about him and then I would think this cheap imitation was Bob. This is so I would lose my "obsessive resource guarding" over Bob - HAH! I don't THINK so!
Did you EVER???
I think they are actually "slipping," - let's face it - they aren't getting any younger...
I think we may run away from home if they try to pull this one off and there will be payback - BIG TIME payback! In fact, Bobby and I are googling tonight when those two are "asleep", i.e. passed out (!)and see what Amazon has out there in terms of medieval weaponry!

I TOLD you he was deep, didn't I?

Spongebobby is very thoughtful.

He meditates for an hour twice a day. That's when he isn't doing research on the family of zombies next door. Oddly, there is ANOTHER family of zombies two doors down. Bob says they (zombies) are going to be "taking over" pretty soon - then the "fun" begins. Hmmm.... I wonder what THAT means?

That Bob - he's a riot, isn't he? But you can see that he is a DEEP, meditating riot, that is when he's not surrounded by...you know - zombies.

These people are wanted in 48 states.

If you see them anywhere - notify the authorities immediately (!!)