Endoscopic SHOCKER!

"Yow - is "she" p*ssed! We are all TIPTOEING around her for the past few days, hoping she will calm down and SOON return to her old SWEET self - well, sort of "sweet" - in her own unique way....

WELL, it seems her doktor
submitted her name to be a guinea pig for some clinical test of a new kind of GIANT PILL - to see if a regular type person could SWALLOW the thing and LIVE to tell the tale!

Well, being the good sport that she is (and they were paying her 200 smackers..) she schlepped over there this week. The overly eager "staff" was WAITING to POUNCE on her as soon as they saw her and DRAGGED her off to a tiny cubbyhole where they stood OVER her and forced her to eat a HORRIBLE BREAKFAST of steaming dung, stones, gravel and BUGS ("good" bacteria!")"Ready......set......GO" they hollered as she tried to down the scary meal in 10 seconds flat. They THEN produced a large LEAD vault and reached in, retrieving a horrible "MONSTER PILL!!" It was so large two of them had to hoist it from its lead lined cradle and then drag it over on a pulley over to a pathetic chair wherein they surrounded her and bullied her into SWALLOWING the HIDEOUS thing. Oh, the humanity!!


Well, NEEDLESS to say the GIANT TORTURE device lodged in her poor little (sob) esophagus and just STAYED there and WOULDN'T budge!

No amount of swaying, wiggling, jumping up and down would BUDGE the DEVIL'S gadget!

They, then, decided that the only solution was to go down to ....RADIOLOGY and verify the location of the BEASTLY object. So, puke rags in hand, off she crept down to the RADIATION chamber....POOR LITTLE THINGEE!
"THEY" (the radiation men) had just come in from having had one of their morning MEETINGS and weren't any too happy to see her waiting for them with the GIANT "PILL" in her innards and let her KNOW they didn't like having their ROUTINE disturbed! THEN, they shoved her into the radiation box and smashed her face into the wall! They pushed her around a bunch more times and then cried "AHA!!!" and said they found the PROBLEM - "she" had a weird RING at the bottom of her poor little ESHOPHAGUS! WHO KNEW! The cursed GIANT PILL was lodged at the bottom of the vile RING!!! YUCK!

THEN, of course, they said it had to COME out (HUH???) and they dragged her (she was a wreck by now, bloggee, and using ALL MANNER of 4 letter words - some she didn't even know she knew!!) Yes, she was a spittin,' cursin' cat and WOE BE to anyone who crossed her path as she puked her way BACK to the GI lab! Grrrrrrrrr.......

Once there, she had to wait around and puke a BUNCH more and, finally they drugged her and gave her a big TUBE down the gullet. See nasty thing below:

After the TUBE PEOPLE were finished with her(!) And while they DID remove the hated GIANT Pill and, she was a SHADOW of her former self and fleeing the HOUSE OF TORTURE, she vowed "NEVER TO RETURN!"

Swimming pool tragedy at Snail Hts Community Center!

TOWN TATTLER, FEBRUARY23, 2009. 11:00 AM
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"Early morning joggers were HORRIFIED by the discovery of the water-logged corpse of former Mayor Spinalzo's Press Secretary "Bigfoot." Efforts to revive the poor wretch proved fruitless.

"We don't know what happened here," cried the former Mayor, "but we will get to bottom of this business, come what may."

"Observers noted that the demise of "Bigfoot" is yet ANOTHER in a series of bewildering events which began with the mysterious disappearances of the former Mayor's wives "Little Dorrit" the other one whose name no one can remember. Searchers have yet to find a TRACE of them or their remains."

"In a SHOCKING gesture, the former Mayor took control of the investigation, vowing prompt and ruthless action against the malefactors, if any. He also asserted that since he is the only actual presence now living in his particular area of Snail Hts., he would be re-assuming the title of Mayor along with all the perquisites of office." (HUH???)

"The Dude", another being living in an adjacent natural habitat, issued an immediate challenge to the Mayor's high-handed actions. "This will not stand," "The Dude" exclaimed.
(Whoa!! This is getting juicy, bloggee!!)

"Close observers of the political scene in Snail Hts. believe the Mayor remains the principal suspect in all these events."

Services for "Bigfoot" are private. His house has been donated to science." (SOB!)

P.S. For those of you following the "progress" (or LACK of same...) re: the ongoing TESTING process of SPONG BOB - stay tuned there may be some INTERESTING results coming in later today!

And, finally, a nice ACUPUNCTURE treatment!

.....and still no reaction....

Back to the drawing board, I guess.

Got any ideas as to how to bring Sponge Bob around??

Busy, busy testing day for poor "Sponge Bob"!

TOWN TATTLER, February 22, 2009. 12:20 PM
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"Another heavy day of testing and examination for Sponge Bob in order to determine what the HECK is wrong with the little zombie-like freak."


REFLEXOLOGY
................................................................................
Complete anatomical exam scheduled for 2 PM
- ("break a "square," Bob!)


HYPNOSIS
........................................................................................................
Eminent hypnotherpist, Sir Lawrence "Larry" Barry, will attempt to hypnotize the patient at 3 Pm in the West Wing of SCMH.
The goal of this all important first session is TOTAL RELAXATION whereby (hopefully) "Bob" will be able to work past his "blockage" and open up regarding what happened to him on that fateful day in the "Cave of Lost Dreams."

P.S.
You will be RELIEVED to hear that Pip is doing much BETTER today after his RIOTOUS behavior yesterday in the Family Waiting Room where he, pretty much, tore the place up and scared the sh*t out of everyone there.
He said he just "lost it" due to worry about his BFF, Bob, and he PROMISES to be a "GOOD BOY" in the future!

Update on Patient in room 644.

Hospital News. February 22, 2009.
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According to Phineas T. Ducke, MD, Administrator of Snail Center Memorial Hospital celebrity patient, "Sponge Bob" is still "unresponsive" and a series of intensive tests did not inform the situation as to his inert state.

More tests are scheduled for today and Monday and if they, also, prove fruitless, Dr. Ducke says, he will consult with Dr.'s M & M and Frogge, and develop "Plan B."

"Schmoochie", Dr Ducke's nurse (see photo) is in complete agreement that SOMETHING has to be done and it better be QUICK!

Friends gather for news.......WAIT!! What's HAPPENING??

TOWN TATTLER, February 21, 2009.2:17 PM
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"An increasingly large group of "Sponge Bob's" friends have been gathering in the Family Waiting Area at SCMH each day eagerly awaiting news on any developments that might occur."

" Local English teacher, Ms. Octopus, acted as spokes model for the group saying" We are hoping that "Bob" will soon be restored to his full vitality and "vigah." His boon companion, "Pip" is disconsolate with worry and cannot be comforted.....sigh..... We are all hoping for the BEST possible outcome."

WOW! Just as Ms Octopus was completing her official statement of tender concern A RIOT (!!!) breaks OUT!


The very same "Pip," whom Ms Octopus was referring BROKE into the Family Circle Waiting Room and began tearing the place up!
The gathered throng shrieked in terror and fled for their very lives!

What's GOING ON HERE???? Has "Pip" (of that boring blog...) gone BONKERS???

Test Administered: Sponge puncture

"Nurse "Ann" (crotchety, middle aged harpy that she is...) performed the medical procedure called a "tap" yesterday morning. The test took, approximately, 5 minutes.

RESULTS:

"Sponge puncture filled a small vial of odd colored liquid. Extensive tests revealed the presence of pure Corn Pone Liquor!" (Say wha....???)