Rumor has it.....

that "Big Doody", kingpin of Beelzebub, Inc has begun PACKING HIS BAGS as he plans to leave soon for his mega million bucks retirement cavern in lower Hades.

Linda "Stony" Doody told reporters that she and her husband are looking forward to returning to "Back o' the Flame," their family cave land, and getting back to the business of ruining people's lives and creating despair where ever they go."
(Sounds like "fun" to us!!)

No room in the inn SHOCKER!

TOWN TATTLER: January 7, 2009.
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"Capital residents are dismayed that the "Divine Messenger" and his family are being forced to stay in an old, shuttered church while waiting for his heavenly installment in 13 days.

According to established protocol, He and His family SHOULD be residing in the Archbishop's Mansion before they move permanently into the "Cathedral of All Blessings".
Unfortunately, the Mansion was already "booked" by the current administration, Beelzebub, Inc., for a series of "loser parties." Are we surprised by this display of bad manners?
We think not!"
DON'T GO AWAY MAD - JUST GO AWAY!

14 days, 19 hours and counting.....

Mayor's opponents plan to block door!

Psssssst - we just heard this on the "grapevine" - enemies of Mayor Spinaltzzzo are conspiring to prevent the cardboard cutout of the "King" from entering the High Council Meeting next week!

(WOW - this is getting HOT!)

They've, also, cut off the "King's" access to the "hot button" which will greatly reduce his ability to protect the Biosphere in case of alien attack! Of course, between you and me, his "access" was pretty limited anyway as he is a CARDBOARD CUTOUT!

BULLETIN: Mayor appoints temporary successor!

"TOWN TATTLER" January 2, 2009
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"Mayor Maurice Spinaltzzzo has (FINALLY) appointed a temporary successor to keep his office "warm" while he is on sabbatical in order to assemble his defense team.

Effective today, a cardboard cutout of the "King" will fill in for the Mayor until such time that he is able to resume his duties or is sent to the federal "pen!"

A joint welcoming cocktail party/simulated press conference/rock concert will be held tonight at the new "Tip Top Tap" lounge to welcome the "King" (Yes, all 6'2" of him!) to the Biosphere/Snail Heights."

BEWARE: This dragon bites!

Recap:
Bloggee, remember like a WEEK ago (!!) back in the Investigation Lab where the EGG that landed from the UFO in Montrose Harbor was sitting (like forever!!) and everyone was WAITING for it to hatch???

And then it DID hatch except they all MISSED it cuz the lazy asses were on "BREAK" (!!)???

WELL, ole"Richard," the janitor, apparently FOUND the little lively sprite on the floor and, thinking that the "Tattler" might pay BIG BUCKS for a photo of same - he grabbed his camera and took a fast shot but just THAT FAST the little bugger took a nip our of his finger and flew off!


THEN - all THIS happened: Read carefully, I KNOW this is a lot of material but there WILL be a brief quiz afterward so clear up your foggy New Year's Day brain and PAY ATTENTION!
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Last night "Spongebobby" and I were enjoying ourselves, as we are wont to do, sipping on our straws which were planted firmly but gently in a big old jug of Corn Pone booze. After an hour or so of quietly sucking (we don't need to "speak" when we are together - we communicate telepathically) we got the BRIGHT IDEA that we would like to check on the "progress" of that UFO egg over in the Lab. We figured we would just SNEAK in past those big butt SBP (Special Biosphere POLICE) and see what we could see.
Well, when we got there - there was nobody there (!) Then we saw this photo on the floor - WOW!!!! THEN just as we started to study it - (double WOW!!!) the whole BUILDING started to SHAKE and SHIMMY and a HUGE gaping HOLE opened up right there in the Lab and SWALLOWED us all up - me, "Pip," "Bob," all all the huge pieces of lab equipment all went ZOOM! CRASH! BANG! down one of the deepest HOLES you could ever imagine - guess where we wound up?????????????????

Your right, smart bloggee, right BACK DOWN into the "Scary Place" we were LAST WEEK when we were OUTSIDE (is this whole BIOSPHERE nothing but a collection of pits, holes, mineshafts, etc??????)

So like I was saying, down down down we went til we were RIGHT IN FRONT of that especially HIDEOUS FACE again (!) - the one with the great big MOVING LIPS and all the millions of maggoty, crawly things going in and out. ARGGGHHHHH!

Then the "HATCHLING" - this DRAGON THING came OUTTA NOWHERE and started chasing me and Bob!!

He was FAST, bloggee, and we were REAL SCARED! We tried to go FASTER and FASTER but as FAST as we went the little sh*t went faster.

He had this weird running/hopping type motion - once he ALMOST nipped "Bobby" & that was way too close for comfort! Over boxes, around corners, the little pr*ck chases us, spitting little fire bursts and trying to BITE us with his sharp little fangs!

I was just about to do a quick turn around and pick poor "Bob" up and try to carry him as he can only "tumble" (that's how he moves himself) and all that "tumbling" can make him quite dizzy after a while and then he gets NAUSEATED......ugh!

Anyway, just THEN the HIDEOUS juicy, RED LIPS of the face opened REAL WIDE and the little ratfink baby DRAGON turned right around and RAN INSIDE the LIPS!!

Well, bloggee, this was just TOO MUCH for "Bob as he stopped for a second (he was "tumbling" again and REALLY dizzy!) and then he PUKED all over my tail and keeled over in a dead faint!.

As you know, there is NO WAY I can go ANYWHERE with ANY foreign matter on my tail so, I turned around real fast and there, in front of me, was the tunnel that we used to get out LAST WEEK!

I ran up and out of that HELLHOLE as fast as my furry little legs could carry me and yelling "C'mon BOB - you can do it!" all the way up!

There was no sign of poor Bobby when I made it to the top so all I could do was to go back home (I felt just terrible having to leave Bob behind!!!!) -

I ran in and rinsed my tail off in the bathroom (whew! I hate that) and sat down to collect my thoughts.

What should I do? What will happen to Bob?
"He" was laying in the bed (!) on the computer (as usual) - I tried to "tell" "him" that something BAD was wrong but he just looked at me and told me to go "take a nap.!" GRRRRRRRRR!

"NAP??" when my BFF is in TROUBLE??? Is he nutz!!

HELP!!! WHY DOESN'T ANYBODY BELIEVE ME???!!!


To be continued...

HAPPY NEW YEAR, y'all!

Hope we all have a great 2009.

From the folks at "Pip's Ear."


P.S. Only 20 days and our long, national nightmare will be over. Hang on, bloggee!

P.S. This is my cousin, "Neil," he's only a Maltese and not a Papillion like me. He has bad breath.