WTF????

Snailandia is FORECLOSED?   Its a SHORT SALE, fer Chrissake!!  Unbelievable!
They say I didn't "cough up" enough $$$$$$ on the downstroke!
Hey,  five dollars and a milkbone were all I had in my European Carryall.  And the "bone" was just a freebie I picked up at the groomer and had no intention of eating.  So there!

I wuz ROBBED~  Back to the old drawing board but keep tuned, ole bloggie pal o'mine.  Somethings coming something good......

Well???

I guess we have to up the ante for you recalcitrant travelers.  Ok OK.  We "got" the message loud and clear.  

We have "upped" the prize list to include the above WINNER!  For the uniformed bloggee - its a hair protector for when you are GORGING on your beloved MISO soup.  When you feel the urge to SLURP - just don the handy SPLASH GUARD and chow down!


Available to only the first 20 customers so TIMES AWASTIN'!!  Get on board the luxe, deluxe sloop which will wing you on your way to the Isle of Unrealized Dreams - SNAILANDIA.

 Ain't she a beaut?????
Now is the time to SIGN UP.  Don't be left behind - don't you want to realize those UNREALIZED dreams???

Now, for the truly DISCRIMINATING lucky visitor....

Hurry up, you LAZY bloggee - sign UP for the GRAND TOUR!  Time is awastin'!!

No more pretty colors for YOU!  Sign on the dotted line and cough up the PASSAGE MONEY ($$) and you will soon be skimming along the waves to the destination that MOST PEOPLE can only DREAM about.   See below if you think we're exaggerating...(you low down reprobate bloggee...)

 See, I told you - its MORE  than I told you - much more! 

I can see you hanging out with your homey's and such, watching the BOOB TUBE (if you must....) playing a quickee game of pick up sticks or just settin' around scratching your head and eating an orange!
 That LIFESTYLE can by YOURS - just pluck down that $500.00 boat trip/sneak preview moolah and climb ABOARD the  "SNAILANDIA  SLOOP." (picture to follow...)

Guess what!! We have a special GIFT for the 1st three visitors!

Just fill out the questionnaire below and these Smashing BOOT PUMPS, hot off the Paris runway, will be delivered to your home or castle or hut within the next 24 hours.

                                                       SHOE QUESTIONNAIRE 

                                                            Circle your  response


     Do you or do you NOT have feet?               yes           no           

    If you DO - how thick are they?                 1/16th"            

    Length of toes?                                                1"                          


     Color of nails?                                                RED                 


     Achilles heel?                                                 What?                  

Here are your tickets, ole bloggee o'mine.

The boat will be by to pick you up at the appointed hour.  Be prepared for a wild trip (!)

Now I want to prepare you that things aren't exactly, well, DONE or ever NEAR DONE or, frankly, even STARTED to be DONE but if you have a vivid imagination (and I think you do....) all will be clear soon. 

So if you want to IMAGINE a vision of the FUTURE - maybe YOUR LUCKY FUTURE - life without end (slight hyperbole there) every day a voyage into the kind of happiness you only DREAMED of!

Popularity, surrounded by beautiful "people" (or whatever), magnifico homes, designer "clothes", food and drink to DYE for (!!) rapturous surroundings where you can commune with nature as it was INTENDED to be - raw, wild, untamed, a little TERRIFYING but that's part of the fun, isn't it???  After all its not KIDDYLAND, after all.

Hobnob with high society.  Cocktails on the veranda, Fred Astaire type "people" darting and dashing across the dance floor to the slippery, silvery tones of Maestro Jimmy Tigehoohoo and his band of renown.  Then adjourn to the cavernous Paridiso Room for a scrumptious meal of your choice prepared by chefs known only on Reality TV and BEYOND!

After you complete your FIVE STAR elegante supper,  strip down to your "skivvies" (if you're wearing any HAHHAHAHA) and take a dive into our super deep (59') pool for a dousing frolic with your gorgeous new "friends" hahhahhahha.  SPLASH with precious stone studded beach toys, laugh HILARIOUSLY with your fun-loving "pals" as you dunk and dip one another, ride on each others backs (!) while you howl at the moon, and, later, just lay on your back as you gasp for air barely able to do so as you think about the FUN you are having and will CONTINUE to have as long as you are a resident of the most UNIQUE and EXCLUSIVE new retirement community, the breath taking (!) and very EXPENSIVE, "SNAILANDIA" the home of your wildest dreams - and then some!

So pack your metal suitcases and trunks for a STUPENDOUS and did I say FREE overnight stay where we will all sit around the old campfire, and HYPOTHESIZE about YOUR future!!

SENOR PIP, master of ceremonies and BOB VIVANT 

Well, here it is! This is it! Isn't everything I said it was and more?

Now, now.....calm down...I know the suspense is building but

arrangements are being made, plans completed, people being lined up. Do you think its easy to pull something like this off?  Well, its NOT!  I've been up half the night and then some putting the finishing touches on the project and I've worked my paws and fingerlets to the bone (and to a NUBBIN!) for you and THIS is the thanks I get?  Well, to hell with you!!


...........jus' kiddin' honey - you KNOW I (are you ready??) *****HEART***** you to the extreme amount to the size of a DIAMOND AS BIG AS THE RITZ, etc.  You KNOW its true!!
Anyhoo, stay tuned, darling Pip's Ear devotee - the waiting won't be much longer and soon ALL will be clear and wonderfully TRANSPARENT (the word of the week, politically speaking) - and you will be gratified and thrilled to see the projecto when its ready for final viewing. 

HEY!!!!! I just had a thot  (!) how's about I give you a special sneak preview?? Would you like that special little bloggee?  Well, alrightee!!  I'm going to stay up ALL NIGHT and polish off the scale model - work my fingerlets til they are BLOODY - all for YOU!!

You're INVITED!

BACK by popular demand - the invitation you have been hoping for - SNEAK PREVIEW for selected Pip's Ear most discriminating readers.  DETAILS TO FOLLOW. (You WON'T be disappointed - we promise you on Pip's LONG flowing eartrails.  HONEST!