Endoscopic SHOCKER!

"Yow - is "she" p*ssed! We are all TIPTOEING around her for the past few days, hoping she will calm down and SOON return to her old SWEET self - well, sort of "sweet" - in her own unique way....

WELL, it seems her doktor
submitted her name to be a guinea pig for some clinical test of a new kind of GIANT PILL - to see if a regular type person could SWALLOW the thing and LIVE to tell the tale!

Well, being the good sport that she is (and they were paying her 200 smackers..) she schlepped over there this week. The overly eager "staff" was WAITING to POUNCE on her as soon as they saw her and DRAGGED her off to a tiny cubbyhole where they stood OVER her and forced her to eat a HORRIBLE BREAKFAST of steaming dung, stones, gravel and BUGS ("good" bacteria!")"Ready......set......GO" they hollered as she tried to down the scary meal in 10 seconds flat. They THEN produced a large LEAD vault and reached in, retrieving a horrible "MONSTER PILL!!" It was so large two of them had to hoist it from its lead lined cradle and then drag it over on a pulley over to a pathetic chair wherein they surrounded her and bullied her into SWALLOWING the HIDEOUS thing. Oh, the humanity!!


Well, NEEDLESS to say the GIANT TORTURE device lodged in her poor little (sob) esophagus and just STAYED there and WOULDN'T budge!

No amount of swaying, wiggling, jumping up and down would BUDGE the DEVIL'S gadget!

They, then, decided that the only solution was to go down to ....RADIOLOGY and verify the location of the BEASTLY object. So, puke rags in hand, off she crept down to the RADIATION chamber....POOR LITTLE THINGEE!
"THEY" (the radiation men) had just come in from having had one of their morning MEETINGS and weren't any too happy to see her waiting for them with the GIANT "PILL" in her innards and let her KNOW they didn't like having their ROUTINE disturbed! THEN, they shoved her into the radiation box and smashed her face into the wall! They pushed her around a bunch more times and then cried "AHA!!!" and said they found the PROBLEM - "she" had a weird RING at the bottom of her poor little ESHOPHAGUS! WHO KNEW! The cursed GIANT PILL was lodged at the bottom of the vile RING!!! YUCK!

THEN, of course, they said it had to COME out (HUH???) and they dragged her (she was a wreck by now, bloggee, and using ALL MANNER of 4 letter words - some she didn't even know she knew!!) Yes, she was a spittin,' cursin' cat and WOE BE to anyone who crossed her path as she puked her way BACK to the GI lab! Grrrrrrrrr.......

Once there, she had to wait around and puke a BUNCH more and, finally they drugged her and gave her a big TUBE down the gullet. See nasty thing below:

After the TUBE PEOPLE were finished with her(!) And while they DID remove the hated GIANT Pill and, she was a SHADOW of her former self and fleeing the HOUSE OF TORTURE, she vowed "NEVER TO RETURN!"

Swimming pool tragedy at Snail Hts Community Center!

TOWN TATTLER, FEBRUARY23, 2009. 11:00 AM
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"Early morning joggers were HORRIFIED by the discovery of the water-logged corpse of former Mayor Spinalzo's Press Secretary "Bigfoot." Efforts to revive the poor wretch proved fruitless.

"We don't know what happened here," cried the former Mayor, "but we will get to bottom of this business, come what may."

"Observers noted that the demise of "Bigfoot" is yet ANOTHER in a series of bewildering events which began with the mysterious disappearances of the former Mayor's wives "Little Dorrit" the other one whose name no one can remember. Searchers have yet to find a TRACE of them or their remains."

"In a SHOCKING gesture, the former Mayor took control of the investigation, vowing prompt and ruthless action against the malefactors, if any. He also asserted that since he is the only actual presence now living in his particular area of Snail Hts., he would be re-assuming the title of Mayor along with all the perquisites of office." (HUH???)

"The Dude", another being living in an adjacent natural habitat, issued an immediate challenge to the Mayor's high-handed actions. "This will not stand," "The Dude" exclaimed.
(Whoa!! This is getting juicy, bloggee!!)

"Close observers of the political scene in Snail Hts. believe the Mayor remains the principal suspect in all these events."

Services for "Bigfoot" are private. His house has been donated to science." (SOB!)

P.S. For those of you following the "progress" (or LACK of same...) re: the ongoing TESTING process of SPONG BOB - stay tuned there may be some INTERESTING results coming in later today!

And, finally, a nice ACUPUNCTURE treatment!

.....and still no reaction....

Back to the drawing board, I guess.

Got any ideas as to how to bring Sponge Bob around??

Busy, busy testing day for poor "Sponge Bob"!

TOWN TATTLER, February 22, 2009. 12:20 PM
................................................................................

"Another heavy day of testing and examination for Sponge Bob in order to determine what the HECK is wrong with the little zombie-like freak."


REFLEXOLOGY
................................................................................
Complete anatomical exam scheduled for 2 PM
- ("break a "square," Bob!)


HYPNOSIS
........................................................................................................
Eminent hypnotherpist, Sir Lawrence "Larry" Barry, will attempt to hypnotize the patient at 3 Pm in the West Wing of SCMH.
The goal of this all important first session is TOTAL RELAXATION whereby (hopefully) "Bob" will be able to work past his "blockage" and open up regarding what happened to him on that fateful day in the "Cave of Lost Dreams."

P.S.
You will be RELIEVED to hear that Pip is doing much BETTER today after his RIOTOUS behavior yesterday in the Family Waiting Room where he, pretty much, tore the place up and scared the sh*t out of everyone there.
He said he just "lost it" due to worry about his BFF, Bob, and he PROMISES to be a "GOOD BOY" in the future!

Update on Patient in room 644.

Hospital News. February 22, 2009.
....................................................................................

According to Phineas T. Ducke, MD, Administrator of Snail Center Memorial Hospital celebrity patient, "Sponge Bob" is still "unresponsive" and a series of intensive tests did not inform the situation as to his inert state.

More tests are scheduled for today and Monday and if they, also, prove fruitless, Dr. Ducke says, he will consult with Dr.'s M & M and Frogge, and develop "Plan B."

"Schmoochie", Dr Ducke's nurse (see photo) is in complete agreement that SOMETHING has to be done and it better be QUICK!

Friends gather for news.......WAIT!! What's HAPPENING??

TOWN TATTLER, February 21, 2009.2:17 PM
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"An increasingly large group of "Sponge Bob's" friends have been gathering in the Family Waiting Area at SCMH each day eagerly awaiting news on any developments that might occur."

" Local English teacher, Ms. Octopus, acted as spokes model for the group saying" We are hoping that "Bob" will soon be restored to his full vitality and "vigah." His boon companion, "Pip" is disconsolate with worry and cannot be comforted.....sigh..... We are all hoping for the BEST possible outcome."

WOW! Just as Ms Octopus was completing her official statement of tender concern A RIOT (!!!) breaks OUT!


The very same "Pip," whom Ms Octopus was referring BROKE into the Family Circle Waiting Room and began tearing the place up!
The gathered throng shrieked in terror and fled for their very lives!

What's GOING ON HERE???? Has "Pip" (of that boring blog...) gone BONKERS???

Test Administered: Sponge puncture

"Nurse "Ann" (crotchety, middle aged harpy that she is...) performed the medical procedure called a "tap" yesterday morning. The test took, approximately, 5 minutes.

RESULTS:

"Sponge puncture filled a small vial of odd colored liquid. Extensive tests revealed the presence of pure Corn Pone Liquor!" (Say wha....???)

February 20, 2009. Test administered: MRI

Results:

A 45 minute session in an MRI unit revealed the following:

"Fuzzy center and squeaker intact."

"Pronounced attitude problem"

"Loves long walks on the beach and cozy, romantic dinners by the fireplace" (......huh???)

Ssssh... Intensive medical analysis going on.....

TOWN TATTLER, February 21, 2009. 1:30 PM


" Top specialists, Dr. M & M, and Monkey L. Frogg,MD held a top level conference last night (which is continuing on to the present (hic!) moment) regarding the BIZARRE zombification of "Sponge Bob."

At 8 PM last evening the two eminent physicians met in conference in the stately conference room at Snail Center Memorial Hospital.

The two elderly Spongologists entered the room with a GROCERY CART full of detailed information (and necessary libation) to FULLY review this extremely perplexing case which will, undoubtedly, go down in medical history. BTW, the patient, is resting passively in the Intensive Care Unit on the 6th floor of SCMH.

Stay tuned for an analysis of a FEW of the tests performed on "Sponge Bob."

SPECIAL MEDICAL BULLETIN - SNAIL Center Hospital!

TOWN TATTLER *HOT* NEWS* January 19, 2009, 10 PM.

..........................................................................................................................

""Sponge Bob," loyal companion to "Pip" of the world famous "Pip's Ear" blog REMAINS in a critical ZOMBIFIED state, according to spokespeople from Snail Center Memorial Hospital. It seems that following his "retrieval" from the Cave of Lost Dreams last week he has remained motionless and completely unresponsive, say hospital representatives"

"The patient had a day long examination with the world renowned SPONGE-OLOGIST, "Dr. M & M" today but the results proved frustrating. Analysis of some of the tests will be run over night and are to be analyzed and reviewed tomorrow said Monkey L. Frogg, MD, an associate of Dr. M &M."

Stay tuned, bloggees,...it doesn't look good!

And now......back to the....CAVE OF LOST DREAMS......

WELCOME MY "FRIENDS" TO THE DARK SIDE OF PIP'S EAR......


These are the "Slime Lords".....at least that is what we call them. Other people call them "snails."

Take a good look at them, bloggee....commit them to your memory.



They worship the HIDEOUS "Green Slug."



They control the caverns of the underworld, one of which is shown below.








The "Slimes" worship and guard the Altar of the "Big ANGELINA Lips" yucky thing that eats slime, too - by the GALLON .(but then...who doesn't????)








When poor "Spongebob" fell down into the cave and couldn't get up - the "Lords" stuffed this message into his itty bitty piehole.

"Nine frogs to rule the sphere,
One sponge to find them.
One pup to mind the sponge,
With Banana-Man behind him."

Nobody can figure out what this means. Can you? My "peeps" are working on it.

Remember all this stuff from last summer, and then even a little while ago when "Bobby" had his big adventure when we accidentally discovered the CAVE OF LOST DREAMS and we both fell IN and he got left behind.....then I had to go down to rescue him and, and , and...???

Bloggee, IF they had anything to do with all this weird message AND the zombie-like state that poor "Bob" has been in for WEEKS now - not to even mention the disappearance of my SWEEET little froggies (REMEMBER, I DO), and I CANNOT forgive them. Why doesn't anyone pay attention?? ????

Did you know that "She" thinks the Slime Lords are cute. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WRONGO!!!!

Yow - Octopus Mom into hiding!

TOWN TATTLER, February 12, 2009.
.....................................................................................................

"Who woulda thunk it( ???) but our own dear, darling "Mega Mom"/AKA "Octopus Mom" has been receiving death threats (!!) and has had flee somewhere in under to escape the masses who, apparently, are NOT too happy with her ever burgeoning brood of totlets.

"Publicists say that the phone has been ringing off the hook with folks making comments about "Mom" that are NOT very nice."

HUH!

Any idea where she might be, bloggee? YOU'RE not hiding her, are you?

Rumor has it that she has gone "underground" and may (or may not) have had some PLASTIC SURGERY done in order to alter her appearance. Hmmmmmm....I wonder WHO she CHOSE to look like????????

Vote for PIP & help animals!!

- look for me here

Thanks!

"Mega Mom" has first TV interview!

TOWN TATTLER, February 7, 2009
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"Indomitable "Mega Mom" was interviewed this morning on nationwide TV much to the delight of her her fan base of 14 loyal followers."

""Meg" explained to the audience about her lifelong craving to become QUEEN of her own kingdom and that she REALLY REALLY needs to be ADORED, WORSHIPPED and GLORIFIED in that order."

Asked is she felt she was able to support her huge BROOD she replied that she was SURE that as long as she was able to PROVIDE HERSELF to each of them for several minutes every day and as soon as the MOOLAH comes rolling in from the book, movie and appearance deals, she would be on EA$Y $TREET."

Way to go, MEGA MOM - lookin' GOOD! (?????)

"Ex-Mayor Fizzles on Late Night Sizzler!"

TT, February 6, 2009.
........................................................................

"OUCH!

Shocked onlookers were amazed at the level of rancor displayed on some of ex-Mayor Spinaltzzzo's recent media appearances involving his continuing attempts to win the hearts and minds of jury pools everywhere. "

"Where will all this lead" is the question on the minds of citizens of Snail Hts.

Even "Pip" the ex-mayors ex-Spokes Representative, had his doubts as to what his ex-boss is up to. Reporters tried to catch up with "Pip" after his morning workout on the BIG BALL. Unfortunately (!) he yipped "no comment" and kept walking!"

"Swimming Pool Drama!"

TOWN TATTLER, February 5, 2009
.................................................................................

"A near tragedy was narrowly averted this morning in the Snail Hts Biosphere Project when "Lil Dude," a relative newcomer to the community, almost drowned in the swimming pool.'

"A morning onlooker, innocently surveying the pastoral swimming scene became DISMAYED when she realized that "Lil Dude" had remained in the SAME POSITION for several hours! Alarmed she attempted to throw him the tiny life preserver round thingee often found around swimming areas but she was UNABLE to break the glass to access same."

Just as all hope was (almost) lost, "Lil Dude" began climbing up the glass wall and lifted his head as if to say "WASSUP???" Then the the increasing number of onlookers GASPED as they saw a bright light spring up around the "Dude!"

Collectively they GASPED (!!!) upon seeing this ethereal GLOW and they, also, breathed a HUGE sigh of relief when they saw the little guy happily scampering up the wall. A resounding CHEER rose up from the crowd, "HURRAH!"

Hopefully, it will not be the LAST "HURRAH" for the spectacular and spunky newcomer."

The only one not terribly interested in the drama by the pool was "PIP" who, characteristically, showed little or no concern and was only planning a mid morning nap!"

A MOM star is born!!!

TOWN TATTLER, February 3, 2009
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"According to Judy Shrimp, the Personal Assistant of the Unnamed Mom who had the HUGE COLLECTION of tottlings at the Snail Hts. Memorial Pavillion, says she can't KEEP UP with the THOUSANDS of requests for APPEARANCES for the new mom!"

Reporters and papparazzi ringed the Pavillion day and night since news of the multiple births reached the public and as soon as the whole BROOD gets out of the mega bucks ICU neonatal unit they plan to hit the road and begin raking in the GREEN STUFF.

Even the little ones are getting into "showbiz" and will have to earn their "board and keep" (HAHAHHA) as they have already begun practicing a song and dance routine which they plan to role out at County Fairs this summer while their Unnamed Mom will be on the wining and dining scene with Angie & Brad, Oprah et al.

Way to go Unnamed Mom!"