Now this is a real cool birthday celebration - but where am I???

How come I don't have awesome parties like this?

The Tongue is Mightier than the Sword

Or something like that. This picture is from my birthday celebration in November and was delayed owing to the technical incompetence of my photographic advisers, notably Squid, who has since been demoted to journeyman status and thrown back into the Well of Toys.

But enough of recriminations, the picture is pretty slick, is it not? That tongue. I had no idea until I examined the evidence. Is this an evolutionary asset or what?

I must say, however, that the "treat" turned out to be rather a disappointment. After I blew out the candle and made a wish (wasted again, I'm afraid, as I wished for many more similar "treats") the payoff was some soggy "doggy ice cream" that tasted like melted banana juice and some other mushy substitute for the real thing.

P.S. We like the design of the Snailandia ark very much.

Welcome to Snailandia - the ark to save us all.

"They're coming! They're COMING!!!"

There is NO doubt about it.  I saw another one today - in a cabinet!  He/she pretended he/she was asleepin' but I could see his/her antennae throbbing!!

Watch out!!  You may be next.  The Attack of the Zombie Snails!   Spinaltzo is Back.  His death certificate was falsified - I was given incorrect information (damn that internet!!)

Duck and I will have to "noodle" on this one.  In the meantime I will be incognito - so watch out!  I may pop up anywhere as anyone as I know I'm on the" Snombie's" hit list for sure.

I'm officially OUTTAHERE! (And I advise you to do the same, loyal old bloggee.)

Ahem, Right Back at You

Informed readers of this blog must be aware that it was Bigfoot who drowned in the Snail Heights Community Pool nearly two years ago, not the infamous Spinalzo, who was in all probability his murderer. Now maybe people will be finally aware of the truly diabolical nature of the Spinalzo/BOGGLER conspiracy and just what I am up against.

Fortunately, my expert team of forensic scientists, Drs. M&M and Monkey T. Frog, have cracked yet another riddle. The Death Certificate, of course, is an obvious forgery, meant to cover his trail. Furthermore, their ultra-sophisticated DNA tests of the snail trails (YUCK!) and ring pattern analysis - that's right, no two snails are alike, it's like fingerprints - prove conclusively that the evil genius Spinalzo, just like Dr. Moriarty, I might add, lives on.

OK, maybe he's a ZOMBIE, I don't know, but it's him I tell you, it's him!!!

Ahem!!!

If you will please attend to the attached statement (A simile) you will see that the SNAIL person to whom  you are referring is safely INTERRED in Valhalla Memorial Cemetery and has been so lo these many years.  Cause of death is listed as "DROWNED" so one is only able to deduce that I SMELL A RAT (SNAIL)!!
The "pernail" or "snailson" pictured previously (affixed/glued to the side of a plant bucket) - well,  is the resurrected corpse of a something or other from another world OR a FACSIMILIE of a something or other come back from the great beyond which YOU AND I BOTH KNOW is what is commonly referred to as a ZOMBIE and anyone who "uses or employs a KNOWN "zombie" for purposes having to do with skullduggery and/or malfeasance shall be subjected to the fullest extent of the law!!"

THEREFORE, we STRONGLY suggest that you CEASE AND DESIST this unholy practice IMMEDIATELY or SOONER!  OR I will have no choice other than turn the whole foul situation over to my solictor,  JJ. Spoon, III. Esquire.

You have been warned!

Do I See the Hand of Mayor Spinalzo

in this plot. I mean, who else could be responsible? THE BOGGLER??? Him too.

They are all against me, dear reader. It had always been our plan to return Snailandia to the snails, to allow the land to lie fallow, a permanent playground dedicated to those little critters whose only desire was to wander its fertile wastes, munching on leaves and detritus, protected from the wicked predations of the outside world, under my gentle but firm guidance.

Alas, all is ruined. This utopia was not to be.

By the way, above is a picture captured minutes ago of the wicked Spinalzo fleeing once again. Our apologies for its grainy texture. This guy is fast even by snail standards and our correspondents were in a big hurry.

Don't think you can escape the clutches of justice again, Spinalzo. We will track you to the ends of the Earth!!!