Ahem!!!

If you will please attend to the attached statement (A simile) you will see that the SNAIL person to whom  you are referring is safely INTERRED in Valhalla Memorial Cemetery and has been so lo these many years.  Cause of death is listed as "DROWNED" so one is only able to deduce that I SMELL A RAT (SNAIL)!!
The "pernail" or "snailson" pictured previously (affixed/glued to the side of a plant bucket) - well,  is the resurrected corpse of a something or other from another world OR a FACSIMILIE of a something or other come back from the great beyond which YOU AND I BOTH KNOW is what is commonly referred to as a ZOMBIE and anyone who "uses or employs a KNOWN "zombie" for purposes having to do with skullduggery and/or malfeasance shall be subjected to the fullest extent of the law!!"

THEREFORE, we STRONGLY suggest that you CEASE AND DESIST this unholy practice IMMEDIATELY or SOONER!  OR I will have no choice other than turn the whole foul situation over to my solictor,  JJ. Spoon, III. Esquire.

You have been warned!