Dear "worried and tired..."

You have raised profound and troubling issues in your recent plea for advice for I, too, have been subject to the same conundrum, so that I recognize in you a true kinship of soul. The "eight-ball," who has no moral sense whatsoever, says "YES" and "NO." Yes, you can get in big trouble. No, you should never bite them.

Look, kid, they are very BIG and they control the means of production, as well as the means of consumption. And, think about it, even if we controlled these things, what would we do with them? You see my point.

However, there is a subtle way out of your dilemma, which, I may proudly state, satisfies all concerned. It is called "CUTE."- You can never be too cute. Remember that. The other thing to remember is to make it all a *GAME.*


For example, I have devised a wonderful CUTE GAME that I play with "her" and sometimes even with "him". Whenever, they get a little too close to the One True Sponge, especially if "she" is wearing her "magic pink slippers" that I would love to rip to SHREDS from the inside out. I love to jump up, do one or two somersaults/spins, leap over "Bear" if he is in the way, and pounce upon the offending FOOT, giving it the most imperceptible peck or jab. HAHAHHAHAHHA!
They invariably erupt in squeals of laughter, blah, blah, blah. I repeat the process as necessary, each time subtly adjusting, upward or downward as their actions require, the amount of jaw pressure or the force of the slap administered.

With a little practice, YOU, too, can achieve the same results!!
Start off slowly. But always remember, "CUTE!" They cannot get enough of cute and adorable.. CUTE, CUTE, CUTE!!! Got it. And never draw blood. That, says the "eight-ball," is a huge "NO!!".

Pip

P.S. Always have an exit strategy if you feel you went TOO FAR! I personally like to roll over and look adorable -it always works!!

Good luck!