Master Pip of Pip's Ear

This is a quick and practical recipe for Linseed Mash.

Harvest two bushels of linseed (flax) at the peak of ripeness. (Note: You will need to harvest about one hundred bushels of plants to obtain the requisite amount of seed).

Separate seeds from chaff by hand. Dry seeds for at least one month in a cool, dry yurt.

In a large cauldron, cover two bushels of seeds with water and heat over an open fire. You must not use the bushels in this recipe, only the seeds. You may, however, use the bushels as an additional source of fuel. Simmer the mixture, adding water as needed, for at least forty-eight hours, stirring constantly.

Allow to cool and serve immediately in clay or porcelain bowls. Your reindeer will relish this delectable snack, but be certain to cook the linseed thoroughly, as, in a raw state, it is poisonous to horses and will probably kill reindeer as well.

Mohair fudgsicle?

Good to the last drop and you can wipe your chinny chin chin on it when you are done!

Linseed Mash

Does anyone know a good recipe for linseed mash?
And a quick one. I need to leave it out tonight for the reindeer.

Or else instant oatmeal might work. I'm in a bit of a pickle here. Lack of planning, I suppose.

Help!

Hmm.

"She" is apparently suggesting a shot and a beer for Santa. I don't know...

And shouldn't there be ice somewhere? I could at least enjoy the ice.

Sauteed chicken hands????

Try the Beet Thing

"He" recommends the beet puree thing with walnuts which we cannot eat (bad) but they can. Maybe. Can reindeer eat beets or walnuts? If I leave it out, I am going to eat all the crackers.

And that reminds me of how unfair the distribution of goods is around here. How come they have all the cool stuff and get to eat all the cool stuff? It just frosts me no end. I mean, how do they come up with this stuff? I know they control the means of production, yadda, yadda, yadda, but give me a break.

Master Pip

Gotta rush and get something ready for Santa's midnight snack!

I know its a tad early but I want to put out a really special spread.  Any ideas for what he might like - reindeer, too?  I heard he's a vegan. 

Lost Time

This is really weird. I MEAN REALLY WEIRD!!!

So I just settle down for a little nap and when I wake up I am in some kind of tree in some strange land where everything is really WEIRD and then I realize I am still at home but I am in the branches of this really WEIRD tree thing they put up every year and hang lights and ornaments on that "THEY" call a Christmas Tree but I call REALLY WEIRD and then I am back in bed but I have no recollection of what happened and I seem to have no memory of several hours and I am thinking I was abducted and someone or something performed some WEIRD psycho mind game experiment or something. WTF!!!!!!

And if you look closely there is a kind of shadow image of me over my right shoulder like some sort of doppelganger. I mean WTF, is that WEIRD or what???

I'm Back.

The lure of Spongebobby was too great. And they were cooking up edamame and well, I'M WEAK, what can I say? And it was cold out there too, and it is so nice and warm by the fire and in bed.

That's it and that's all, folks. Buh Bye!

Pip has LEFT the building! I know it LOOKS like I'm going for a stroll but I sabotaged the slave chain and I'll be OFF on my own in a matter of seconds!

Hmmmmm...I'm not seeing any improvement here!

Same ole, same ole post up day after day. And that photo of the orange sponge??? C'MON! It is SERIOUSLY FUGLY!!

Please DELETE it ASAP or I'm going to have to go and haunt some NEW blog!!

Illustrious Pip of Pip's Ear

I am 100% in agreement with your recent post about the direction your blog has taken. I am the Great Sponge, by the way, parent of all your sponge toys, and of all sponges great and small. I have taken great pleasure in reading of the exploits and adventures of my progeny on your blog.

Please Master Pip, more adventures. We are especially fond of adventures involving disturbances in the space-time continuum as well as those involving alien abductions.

We ourselves were abducted by aliens, but that tale must await another day.

Humbly yours,

The Great Sponge

Hey! What's going on around here, on this "blog?"

Something FISHY is happening! No one is paying ANY ATTENTION to "Pip's Ear" bloggerino anymore!

I hear, via the grapevine, that BOTH "him" and "her" have started their OWN BLOGS and don't have ANY time to help me on MY blog! HIs being about baseball and hers is about "life" (!!) WHO CARES?? People want to know about PIP and what is going on with PIP and what PIP's thoughts and dreams are!!

I ask you, bloggeroo, is that RIGHT? Write to me and tell me what I should do?

I don't want you to think things are....strange around here but

While its true, of course, that I'm the most BRILLIANT and CLEVER pup in the WHOLE WORLD, I haven't quite YET learned how to.....read.  See above for one of my birthday prezzies.

Hmmmmmm.......is this bizarro world or WHAT??

Told ya!!

Hmmmmm....now he claims its HIS birthday!

And he wants all kinds of presents!  He already got some when he got up this morning (like NOON!) and got a barking card (!!) 4 Lorna Doone cookies and a Flying Dutchman silk scarf like the WWI aviators wore (!!!!) an' a bunch of books about Those Cubs!

Now he's keeping track on the fridge calendar about how many days til "Pitchers and Catchers Report" - guess how many?????   

78 days!!!  Winter will be almost OVER and wow that will be cool!

The Birthday Continued

I'm just now recovering from all the excitement. Here is a list of presents with appropriate illustrations and commentary.

The Green Parrot: This guy is very suitable for throwing around and shaking by the neck. He makes two distinct squawking sounds. Very irritating to people and hence a real winner!

The Square Lamb: A nice squeaker and a good solid mouthful for chewing if you are bored. Sweet!

The Really Fat Guy: We don't know what to make of this guy and frankly he is a little scary. Somehow the other day he managed to make it up to my meditation cushion. I was coming around the corner at high speed when I spotted him. I was taken aback, let me tell you. Anyone would have been scared.

He keeps turning up in odd places, on sofas, in chairs. He gives me the creeps. We suspect he is related in some way to the Fat Man (see sidebar). Perhaps his father or uncle or maybe a mutant version.

I have asked my brain trust to undertake DNA analysis and to keep him under observation. There is a story here and I mean to get to the bottom of it.

The Birthday Party

Am I a lucky puppy or what? Lets just say we had our best birthday ever. Can you believe it? Three years old. Wow!

We started out with edamame. Yum!

Then we had our usual dinner, followed by the birthday song with candle and my own portion of creme brulee. Cool!

And then the presents!!! Well, it's too much. I'll have to postpone that discussion until later.

Master Pip

Happy Thanksgiving y'all!

from "Pip"

WHOA WHOA WHOA - guess what???

Its my birthday! I'm THREE!

YAY me!

I went from a scrawny little sickly nervous puppy who was scared of EVERYTHING and used to just sit and shake to the charming, brimming with VITALITY and VIGOR chap that you see before you today!

I will be available for gifts, presents, tributes, PARTIES, compliments, accolades, congratulations, kudos, and good wishes from noon til midnight on November, 24.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO PIP!! AND MANY MORE!

(*Pssssst - keep yer trap SHUT but I got a little PRESENT for the BIRTHDAY BOY when he comes out of his hidey hole!)

hahahhahahahahhaha

Bee Bee Zinger, my new BFF I met on Mugbook

wrote on my "fire hydrant" today and said he is going to come to my aid to help me get out from under the stairs!

Its a good thing that I dragged my notebook 'puter in with me so I could communicate with him!

Hurry, Bee Bee, Its getting HOT in here and I'm HUNGRY!!

Pip

Hmmmmm......is THAT that little creepy Pipsqueak???

I think I see a small furry white paw sticking out under the stairs!

Yes it is one!!

Let me dash down there and take up a perch outside......

teehhhheee.....



Hahahahhahahaha - (yawn) I can sit here ALL day and wait. When does "Family Feud" come on? Is it dinner time yet??????

Ssssssshhhhhhhh.......

Its me!

(I'm hiding under the stairs...waiting for that INSANE FELINE to GO AWAY!

It keeps p r o w l i n g & p a c i n g back and forth looking for me in every nook an' cranny. hahahhahha - I fooled it by sneaking in here but I'm VERY uncomfortable and need to go to the ......well, you know, the thingee. Plus my back is starting to HURT and I can hardly BREATHE!! (gasp.....gasp....)

I'm going to HAVE to get OUT of here in the next few minutes or I will FREAK OUT!

Uh, oh - guess who got out of his/her octagon prison!

Yikes - let me get the HELL OUTTA HERE!

Somebody is REAL P*ssed at me and its NOT my fault that he/she/it was just HAPPENING along when my experimental octagon bubble EXPLODED out of my paws and landed on ITS head (!)

S'not my fault!

BYE~~~

I guess I figured out how to handle that pesky

"trick or treat" cat.

hahahhahahahhaha

Lets see what he/she will do about THAT one!

hahahhahahha

Oh, PSHAWWW!

You call those flip doodle ear muffs of yours EARS???

Now HERE we are talking some ears! And can they ever HEAR!!

Turns out this dude was awakened last night by a faucet dripping in an apartment in Rio de Janiero!

Then JUST as he was falling back to sleep (after getting himself a nice drink of water...) WHAT HAPPENED (???) but a flight attendant on a Gulf Stream flying over Port au Prince dropped an eclair onto the carpet!

WTF?????????????????????

Dear Ms. or Mr. Hahahhahhahahhah,

Please be advised that the ear of the Maltillon and Papillon is a most marvelous product of evolution. The exact design specifications are classified. Should you wish to inspect a rough schematic, please submit an application in quadruplicate signed and witnessed by four notaries of distinct ethnic derivations whose DNA may be verified to the fourth generation to The Honorable Bear, Attorney at Law, c/o Rumpot of the Bailey, The Bailey, London, W.C. 2. Be prepared to wait a long time for a response.

The Maltillon ear has been compared to the radio telescope as an instrument of perception and nuance. We personally find this to be both a blessing and a curse. You may be assured by a cursory glance at the photo of the estimable Pip of Pip's Ear resting at the right column of this blog that there is plenty of lobe present. Be sure to look away immediately.

Pip

Speaking of ear.....lobes...

Where EXACTLY are YOURS, Monsieur Pip?

We're seeing a lot of ear FLAP but not so much in the lobe department.

Maybe you need a LOBE TRANSPLANT!!

hahahhahahhahha

Welcome to "Sir "Pipi's" Earlobe Salon!

Please be seated and he will be with you in uno momento.

Kindly scan the journal on the table for help in selecting the proper or desired lobe of your choice.

Small, medium, large or EXTRA large - its all up to you!

Aside from our hideous zombie souls,

Take a hard look in the mirror, bloggie - is this happening to you?

LOL - this is fun!

Last night we went out in the neighborhood and look who was prowling around big as life? 'Never would have spotted them without my new BFF zombie finding camera! Thanks, Goldblatt's!

Hey, "Peep!"

We can take the bus to Goldblatt's, too, and GUESS WHO got ZOMBIFIED while on his morning constitutional???

We may be mistaken BUT, WHA' HOPPENED to those magnificent "waterfall ears?" Hmmmmmmm???

Hahahhahahahaha.....

I woke them up in the middle of the night and looky looky the NICE SHOT I got off with MY special "ZOMBIE" camera.

It shoots RIGHT into your SOUL and finds the TRUE you!

Only $49.99 at Goldblatts!

Oooooops! Look what happened to someone who

took unauthorized pictures of their pup...it could happen to "them" if I see one more snap that is posted without my WRITTEN approval.

So be it!

Pip ("I vont to be alone!!)

The next SOB who takes my picture without permission

is going to regret the day they bought that cheap digital camera!

GOT IT????

Yes, its true that I do take a catnap every now and then....

But then who doesn't ??????

I REST my case!

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, yada yada zzzzzzzzzzzz etc zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Do Not Be Alarmed

Master Pip,

Do not be alarmed. You have no blue plaid sofa. There is no cat.

However, you appear to have inadvertently entered another dimension, undoubtedly due to your excessive sleeping habits.

We will try to pull you out of this. It won't be easy.

The Guardians

Yes, it IS cute, I'll give it that.

Every time I turn around it has a different head dress on....and STILL no one else around here (!!) can see it!!

I can't understand it, can you?

It just sits there, changing its various hats, and glares at me. Yuck!

Make it GO AWAY!!