Town Tattler, January 30, 2009............................................................................................................................
"Bigfoot," beloved resident of the Snailarium Biosphere Project, suffered potential damage to his HARD SHELL yesterday when a KNOWN home INVADER broke into the Project Center and threw him to the floor where he stuck his shell on a BIG ROCK!
Staff, hearing his calls of distress, rushed him to the IMPERIAL Snail Hts. Extended Care Pavillion, a facility of dubious reputation to say the LEAST!
Due to the extreme CHEAPNESS of the Pavillion administrators, poor "Bigfoot" was not able to have a phone by his bed so his many visitors had to slime over there in person!
Upon arrival, imagine their SHOCK and DISGUST when they were verbally attacked by a VIOLENT INTAKE person who treated them in a very RUDE way, hollering commands and hurling insults at them!
After they were able to get past the VILE creature they went searching for the HEAD NURSE to complain but DRIVEN BACK by a TERRIBLE STENCH, they fled and were, therefore, unable to check on poor "Bigfoot's" condition!
They went straight away to the Snail Hts Public Safety Office (SHPSO)and filed a complete report on this shocking facility which has NO PLACE in the Biosphere.
They are, now, working on getting "Bigfoot" transferred to an acceptable Pavillion and hope to be able to do so by the end of the day!
Let's hope the old boy is feeling better and will be up and running around by tomorrow. In the meantime the SBP (Special Biosphere Police) is busy working day and night on the case to ferret out the heinous home invader!"
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