And the construction of "Snailandia" begins.....

one hillbilly shack at a time....you GO, girl/guy!

YES! The PEOPLE have spoken!!

Contrary to a number of CRAZY postings here lately regarding the FOUNDERING of Snail Heights Eco-Community and Biosphere II or III (depending... on the presence of the full moon...) we are here to SHOUT IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS that Snail Heights WILL RETURN and FLOURISH and NOT flounder or founder or whatever but will BE BETTER THAN EVER and THEN SOME!!
HAH! So there!

See below for new prototype of "SNAILANDIA" - an intentional community for LIKE MINDED folks (You know who you are!)

Snail heights Destroyed

In a series of rapidly multiplying natural disasters yesterday, Snail Heights was completely destroyed. The tale of woe began several days ago when sulfurous fumes from the then tiny Mt. Pinhead (6 cm.) awakened a hibernating Mayor Spinaltzo.

The Mayor declared a state of emergency and then sealed himself back into his shell. By the following morning, the volcano had transformed most of the habitat into a simmering pool of molten lava. Earthquakes followed this devastation, succeeded by a giant tidal wave and a flash flood that submerged the entire project.

All the known inhabitants were saved, including the aforementioned Spinaltzo, who was last sighted fleeing to his beloved "garden" aboard his cuttleboat, The Miranda. Residents have expressed a considerable outrage and anger toward the Mayor, declaring they would have knocked his f.....g house to pieces, brick by brick, indicating the Spinaltzo regal mini-mansion, Plaza Spinaltzo, if it had not already been destroyed. A picture of the remains of the erstwhile castle is shown on the left.

Mysterious signals have been detected emanating from the area previously thought to contain the famous altar of the big lips thing that licks up slime. Spongebobby immediately announced that as soon as the flood waters receded, he would outfit an expedition to the region to claim his "birthright."

The renowned blogger Pip of Pip's Ear (shown at the right personally supervising the earlier rescue effort) ordered the Sponge restrained. Spongey was personally buried in Pip's summer quilt under the bed and placed under armed guard.

OK! Aside from the erupting volcano, the Biosphere

frigging projects - II OR III...the "HOT" issue around these parts right now is well, "she" wants to KNOW ..............

"WHO PEE'D ON MY PINK SLIPPERS?""


Bloggees:

(She MADE me post this - I don't know anything about it, personally. Just performing a public service here on my blog - trying to ferret out the guilty party.)

Signed,

Little, tiny (8 lbs) "Pip" - who would NEVER do such a naughty and WICKED thing - ever - REALLY!!!!

I mean what could a miserable pair of dirty old SLIPPERS mean to me? DO they sneak around or something and try to pick up my stuff and toys at night when I'm half asleep and can hardly see with all the fringey hair in my eyes? Or do they scruff around in the bedroom when I'm trying to complete my beauty sleep and kick my blankie and bones into "neat" piles?

Or might they sometimes- out of sheer cruelty - STEP ON SPONGEBOB and hide him COMPLETELY from my view so I almost LOSE IT altogether as ONE MINUTE "Bob" was there, sitting happily in front of me and then NEXT MINUTE he's GONE and I can't SEE HIM which makes me crazy with worry!!! And THEN I see PART of him sticking out from under those FILTHY DIRTY ROTTEN PINK SLIPPERS???????? - THOSE SLIPPERS got pee'd on????
INCREDIBLE!!!

Snail Heights Doomed?

Efforts are underway to evacuate the remaining inhabitants of Snail Heights. Mayor Spinaltzo, awakened again from hibernation, issued the following statement to the press.

"I have no idea what is going on here. All I know is that I was sound asleep, sealed in my shell, when I smelled this sulphurous odor and felt really hot. How was I supposed to know Snail Heights was built on the vestiges of a dormant volcano? I mean, I'm only a snail."

The Mayor then retired, wishing all the inhabitants well, and expressing a desire to simply return to his garden.

The volcano, which looks larger in the picture than in real life, is about 6 cm. in diameter, but growing fast.

Things look bad for this troubled community.

Developing...

Yadda yadda yadda - enough about "souls", etc.

Lets talk about something IMPORTANT - "Biosphere II" - what do you think about this concept for the "lower 47" of Upper Snail Heights?

The Proof

Hah!

"Animal behaviorists say dogs possess empathy and compassion, the emotions upon which moral sense is built."

Proof if any were necessary, that I am just like "them". One might be tempted to say somewhat superior.

But still the criticism, still the carping. "He's just a dog." Well, put that in your pipe and smoke it, buster.

Can an astute bloggee like you figure all this out????

Well, in no particular order.......this finally took place today....










Then this rather unfortunate (but VERY necessary) thing occurred.


But then then a really unpleasant thing happened - when it rains it pours, doesn't it bloggee?

Hey -"sickee" - I've got my eye on you...

So I hear you are "all better," eh?

Well, we'll soon see about that, "Floppy Ear".....

I heard about you from poor little Toby, the defenseless sweetie pie who lives with "Mr. T."

He said you pick on him whenever he goes by your dirty window - hahahahhahahha - we'll see about that one!

Mebbe next time I'll be sneaking along side him and jump up and scratch your winter nose!!

I'd watch myself if I was you.......

I Have Recovered

Move over, Bugsby.

I am back and I am better than ever.

Hmmph! New "neighbor," Bugsby Creighton.

In the MIDDLE of all the NONSENSE going on - he moves in!!

No rest for the wicked, for sure.

P.S. Turns out ole "Pip" is under the weather this weekend and will have NO MORE to say until he is feeling better(!!)

Vehicle of transport for mystery "passenger"....

Ingenious!

In goes "Mr. Bug"

In goes Tribune and onto dining room table....(this is where the fun begins...)

Out he comes and (per instructions) he creepy crawls over to the HASSOCK and leaps onto the pillows and WAITS for would be "host" to come along........

Tee hee......this is a GOOD one!

Pssssssst! HEY! You there - reading this inane "blog" - I'm (that is me, "Toby" the darling Yorkie puppy who lives 2 doors down from "Poop" - the resident BORE author of this "bloog.)

Well, LOOKIT what I found in the yard today!! Isn't he c r e e p y??

Well, I managed to catch him with a jar and my intrepid paw claws and trapped him for release tomorrow.....and just guess WHERE I'm going to let him go.....tee hee...
or should I say on WHOSE hassock he just might wander onto????

WHAT??? You say, "Yes, adorable Toby, that would be a good "trick" but HOW would you get that ....thing....into the house and onto the so called HASSOCK??
Tune in tomorrow for that brilliant manuever (!) and I promise you my scheme will live up to my TRUE GENIUS or my name isn't ......."Toby, the WONDER PUP!"

Don't Even Think about It

You touch "him" and you will have to answer to me.

Please re-read the sidebar entitled "The Most Interesting Dog in the World." Take particular note of the sentences describing my teeth and my bite.

My dad is going to beat up your dad!

Tee hee.

Put that in your blow hole and smoke it!

Give Me a Break

I mean, you can't do better than to invent a bogus sister who can't come to the phone because she is busy snorkeling? Geez, Louise!

And by the way, it looks as if she might be your late sister anyway, since you photoshopped her into the midst of a school of sharks.

And who is harassing who, may I ask, with a bunch of unsolicited e-mail? Excuse me, "she" has left work and is on her way home, so I have to take up my post waiting on the leather hassock. That's right, eat your heart out, you little snitch, it's the one you pass by with all the velvet pillows on it.

And check out the picture, dude. It's me when I was a little puppy. That's what puppies are supposed to look like. The kid next to me is my leopard friend. They eat yorkies.

MY sister, "Tee Bird." isn't here right now.....

She is a very rare albino Yorkie and she is busy snorkling in the crystal blue waters of the Caribbean.

I told her how you harass me EVERY time I go past your creepy window and she says I should file a SPECIAL complaint with the condo association against you and they will kick all your butts right back to UPTOWN where you belong!!!

Also, she says when she gets back she is going to whup your whuppie so I'd hide under my bed for several weeks if I was you!

Olaf aka "Tobey"

Pay No Attention

Dear Pip of Pip's Ear, Master of the Inner Eight Ball,

Sometimes it is best to just ignore the insults of the common herd. I was deeply shocked by the recent post "Hello, Mojumbo." But as I say, pay it no heed.

I say this not just as a friend and loyal follower of your marvelous blog, but also as your long-lost sister Jujube. You know, Pip, there were only two of us and we were very close as puppies. It broke my heart to be adopted by strangers, although I cannot complain about my treatment here in Cricklewood.

In any case, let me set the record straight. You and I are designer puppies, not common curs. It is true that we endured many hardships at the kennel where we were raised, some of whose denizens referred to us, most unfairly, as mud-bloods. All of this I attribute to jealousy and envy of our unique characteristics and energetic dispositions.

Incidentally, I am glad to see that you continue to venerate rabbits and that a rabbit has figured prominently in several of your marvelous adventures. We had to take a lot of ribbing about some of our physical traits when we were puppies because of our spectacular jumping and spinning abilities and because our hind legs were so much longer than our front legs.

We have always thought that you had a peculiar destiny. I have a copy of our birth horoscope that spells it all out. Something about spheres and tunnels and that you are not like other dogs. I'll send it to you under separate cover by snail mail.

But about this "Olaf" aka "T--y", I understand that he has been subjected to a species of brain-washing called obedience training and that he is confined to a jail cell called a crate at night. Ugh! No wonder he is spouting this demented drivel on your blog.

Hold your head high, Pip. You are special. You are not like other dogs.

Jujube

Hey, Mojumbo!

You want to talk some TRASH??? I'll talk some, too - about YOU!

First of all, I HEARD that you were a PUPPY MILL critter and 'were raised in a LAUNDRY ROOM over a FLORIST SHOP!
I ALSO heard you were a HOOSIER!
THEN I heard that you were bought off the SALE TABLE and people REJECTED you in Evanston and your "Mill" mom had to bring you BACK home UNSOLD!! Horrors!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then when "him" and "her" DID finally agree to BUY YOU - they got you on "SALE" and you were all THIN and SCARDY and just shookandshookandshook all the time.

You didn't eat AT ALL and then they found out you were SICK (!) and had some WEIRD ILLNESS!

YUCK! I hope you're still not CONTAGIOUS as MY folks won't let me go past your creepy dirty WINDOW any more!
To be continued......

Dear "Olaf"

And by the way, I know your real name. Lets just say it begins with a "T" and ends in a "y", and we will leave it at that.

Also, I know that you cannot help being cute. I have the same problem. But get serious, kiddo, who is cuter, I ask you, and who was the cuter puppy?

Nuff said.

But to the substance of your question. I have consulted the inner eight ball and it says "Get real." As in grow up, kid, the sooner the better.

I have nothing against you personally, but as you mature, you will realize that your territory is very important. Also, you will come to understand that barking is a very satisfying activity.

We live in a society here, and in any society there are rules and limits. I have seen you hanging out with those two little white poodle things. Let me tell you something about them. They are bad company. First of all, they bark - actually, yip is a more appropriate description - far more than I do. And when they are alone, they keep it up incessantly, just like the stupid spaniels next door who howl disconsolately all day.

Then, of course, they take liberties. They pee and poop all over the garden area right in front of my window, and I even saw them frolicking and peeing on the grassy knoll outside my patio. This is intolerable. It is an affront to me and really to all civilized values. It must stop.

So, listen, "Olaf", you will soon be out there with the rest of us, trying to maintain some order, some sense of sanity in this unnatural world. So try to show some empathy as well.

I have four portals to defend, and frankly I wonder if it is getting beyond my capacities to do so. First off, there is the main window, the one where we have had our brief encounters. Then there is the patio door where there is always some new intruder, not to mention the idiot children who play badminton and basketball and soccer at any hour of the day. Then I have discovered two new portals upstairs, each giving a slightly different, and in many ways superior perspective to the same areas.

Yesterday, what with running up and down the stairs and barking and growling and everything else, I felt quite exhausted by mid-afternoon and settled in for a longer than usual nap.

But, you know, at heart I have a benign disposition toward other life forms. Birds are cool, though noisy. Squirrels and rabbits I have nothing against. Bugs suck, especially spiders and flies. (I hunt them. Excellent sport).

To illustrate my point, today, while rambling through Lincoln Park, I encountered two broods of goslings and another party of morning dove chicks. These kids were really cute and sweet. We should be more like them.

Why do you hate me?

Dear Pip of Pip's Ear, Master of the Inner Eight Ball,

This is a serious question. I live in your complex. You know who I am. Whenever I walk by your window, you jump up and down on your pillow-covered leather hassock and bark, bark, bark.

I am only little. What do you have against me?

I know I am cute, but I cannot help that?

Olaf

What a cool guy!

I wish I had a pal like that!

This is the way "she" looked when she came home....

Not a very pretty picture, is it? In addition to everything - going back to a full time "yob" for the first time in 10 years, finding out where her"cube" is, the bathroom, etc. - she took the WRONG bus home and had to walk a mile in shoes that were too big. Grrrrrrrr.....

When we saw "her" coming we RAN and hid - wouldn't you??

'Didn't come out for an hour til she had several glasses of vinegar wine. Then she made "him" promise to drive her EVERY morning in the future!

Back to the vinegar!!!