Maxims from the Real Pip and some helpful hints

First of all, someone has hijacked my blog and filled it with all sorts of nightmares and demons and stuff and tried to scare people. I have a pretty good idea who it is, or what it is, to be more precise. Hint: it is pink and it fits on your feet and it once possessed "her". Another hint: if our suspicions are correct, it will receive many damaging bites, which are not so bad as our bark, but pretty bad all the same.

We have consulted with our trusted counselors, Drs. M&M and Monkey T. Frogg (practice limited to stuffed animals and frogs), as well as Hummingbird, their medium. They have a theory about recent events on this blog that explains everything. Hint: what is missing in this photo of a stuffed rabbit toy? Second hint: how many ears does a stuffed rabbit toy have? Third hint: how many ears does this stuffed rabbit toy have? Fourth hint: what is floating in the witch's cauldron?

Finally, the advice.

1. Listen to "them" when they talk. Listen all the time. It builds your vocabulary and you can find out a lot about their plans and whether they include you. It also freaks them out when you appear to understand everything they are saying.

2. Always keep an up-to-date inventory of all your toys and possessions. Know where your toy boxes are at all times and keep an accurate record of the GPS coordinates of the Well of Toys.

3. Keep a close watch on all windows and doors in your house, including TVs and printers, the most insidious source of home invaders. Bark maniacally whenever something you disapprove of passes by. Remember, you are completely safe when you are protected by glass or doors or screens. If a bad thing passes through any of these barriers, run as fast as you can and hide under the bed. Stay very still until it goes away.

4. When you have a choice, always be nice. Nice gets you past a lot of scrapes. So does cute. Cute is even better than nice.

5. Best of all things is the tummy rub. Second best is the shoulder massage.

6. For some reason, "they" like to slobber all over each other. Make a big fuss when this happens and be sure to slobber all over "them" when they least expect it.

7. Maintain a ready and abundant supply of objects suitable for the burial or concealment of toys and other valued objects. Be certain all of your most valued possessions are safe before going to sleep.

8. Whenever they go out without taking you, make an enormous fuss, yelping and spinning around, etc. Then go straight to sleep. When they return, repeat the process.

More advice will follow. My 2AM kibble snack is calling.