It SURE is spooky up here!

The wind is blowing wildly - I think there's going to be a typhoon!
"He" brought me down to the water's edge and I said "NO THANKS" - it was scary! Is "he" nuts?? The water was BIG and WAY TOO WET!
THEN they read stories about werewolves and swatted flys for a few hours. It was fun chomping the bodies but I haven't seen werewolves...yet.

Keep an eye on her while I'm gone, ok?

You never know WHAT she's going to do next!
I'm going up to Egg Harbor for a few days - will try to keep up with my "bloggo" up there but you NEVER know what will work in the country, do you?
I'm going to sit on my VELVET PILLOW and count the "Obama" and "McCain" signs. We're going to listen to the (yawn)"Lord of the Rings" cd's cuz the Cubs aren't on til Wednesday. Go Cubs! Go Biden Go 'BAMA!!!!

Psssst! These are two of my girlfreinds.

They just LOVE me and (guess what??)
I love them RIGHT BACK.
I DON'T have to be on my "best behavior" with them either, if you get my...drift.
Arf!

Aw, did oo lose oo's wittle debate??????? Poor thingee....

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!

This is my new sleep-0-matic, all temperature bed. You may have heard it advertised on radio or TV.
There are 3 remote controls monitoring six separate heat, coolness and softness comfort zones.
It wasn't easy but, through trial and error, I now have it perfectly adjusted to my sleeping needs.
Many a time I was awakened with a hot nose, a chilled paw or a back/tail ache. OUCH!!!
Life is tough but I think (no thanks TO YOU!!) I finally have it all worked out.
GOOD NIGHT!!

This was the home of at least 3 frogs.....sob.....

Did YOU do it?
Did you sneak into my humble, Lake Shore Drive abode and sneak off with the chubby, little green dudes?
Are you the culprit who snatched them from their womb-like crypt???
I think it WAS YOU!
"Why ME?" you whine???
Well, for one thing we noticed the Glenlivet supply was down several "fingers..." and then there's the fact that we were down three "toffee almond" biscotti which I, cleverly, check before bedtime each night.
Are you holding them for ransom like those pirates off the coast of Somalia?
OY! Of course, that's it!!! Now I see your wicked, wicked scheme as you must have heard about my little "windfall" regarding two new brown bears and......WHOA (!!!) OH NO YOU DON'T!! You're NOT going to get me to blab about my new bears and bag of treats and.....OH NO YOU DON'T!!
I need to go have a "lie down" now - see what YOU'VE DONE??????
Story developing.....

Be on guard, oh bloggo-reader!

WOWOWOWOOWOWOWOWOOWOW!

Funniest thing I've seen in many a moon.

Quick - count the number of frogs here!!

WRONG!!!!

You CAN "count" can't you??????? I must warn you I'm in a very "p*ssie" mood - so WATCH OUT!

OK , give up. This is a photo of my famous frog collection, if you will recall - the one that I mentioned in that wonderful little post about "The Most Interesting Dog in the World" - to your RIGHT. What's wrong is that I HAD sixteen frogs!!!

If you CAN "count" (which I sincerely DOUBT) you will note that in the picture above there are only TEN friggin' frogs and one of them isn't even a "frog" but a "rabbit" (???). Get IT???

Bob immediately suspected that the missing frogs had been nabbed by "The Duplicators". "Bear", however, points out - correctly, that if they had been "nabbed" by "Duplicators", there would be MORE frogs, not LESS.........duh! (Between you and me -sometimes I have to wonder about old Bob's mental...meanderings....)

Strange that nobody seems too concerned about this mystery. How very odd! I smell a RAT!
Now, on the other paw, me, Bob and "Bear" are quite obsessed with the "Great Frog Disappearance" as we have dubbed it and we are DETERMINED to get to the BOTTOM of it one way or another.
"She" says that ten frogs ought to be PLENTY enough for one adorable eight-pound Maltillon and that dogs in China would be happy with to have......one....frog! . HAHAHA!
What kind of a moron would be "happy" with ONE frog??? That is too ludicrous to imagine - even in "China", wherever THAT is - IF she didn't just make it up!

"His" guess is that I may not have counted correctly in the FIRST place, - how INSULTING! Then "he" says that the very presence of the counterfeit rabbit among the group shows either I don't know how to count or that I need glasses. Oh YEAH - how many dogs do YOU KNOW wear GLASSES? Yikes - I have my prestige to consider - DO I want to be completely LAUGHED out of my species, I ask you??????? I don't THINK so!!

Well, Bobbie is already googling away, burning the old midnight oil, downing the 'pone, as we speak - trying to solve "The Mystery of the Disappearing Frogs!!! Where is Nancy Drew now that we need her? Bob is trying to google her up now.
Do YOU have any ideas or are you "just along for the purile enjoyment you derive from reading this so-called "blog"???"
Ugh! I don't even KNOW you!

Developing, as they say...

Big fat, baby -this was in the 2000 election!!!

The old "cut and runner" did it before!

Arf arf arf arf arf arf !!

In a week I will be here - please forward all gifts, gratuities, etc. to that address!
Thanks!

Shout out to "Ji" -

Drawing class friend.

"She" says it was great seeing you again and 'hopes she'll see you in "Figure Drawing" class in a few months. She says you "rock" girl!

And the debate winner will be???????

I only wish they were the Congress of the U.S. - they have such honest and intelligent faces.

What a hypocritical HYPOCRITE!

Read this - and they had the nerve to criticize Edward's $400.00 haircut!

All creatures, great and small.....GO 'Bama!

Lemon biscotti - a "good thing" - keep your distance!

Sorry, this is my LAST one! Gotta put it on my "wish list" for when THEY go to the "grocery" ("booze") store!
"Limone" are just a little slice of heaven, that's all they are.
Good to the last crumb and then some.
I like to dip them s l o w l y in my morning Starbucks brew which I get in a saucer and it BETTER be HOT cuz you don't want to let my coffee cool off as I can be VERY unpleasant when THAT happens! Grrrrrrrrrr........

Hey to Anne, John, Susanne, Bob & Jettie! Thanks guys!

Oh, no, she's "in love" with another old dump!

Oh Lordee, once more we have to ...put up with one of her passionate whims - OLD HOUSES! Some of them have something called RADIATOR'S and they have funky bathrooms and kitchens where I GET MY FOOD EVERY MORNING (!) (At night I eat in the living room like a very civilized Maltillion should!)
Oh, Lordee - now she will make us schlep out to "God knows where" to actually LOOK at this old wreck. It doesn't even have central "air!"
Like I said ...LORDEE!! Do they REALLY think that I, "PIP", the most interesting dog in the whole WORLD - could live in a house without a jacuzzi???

Why conservatives think the way they do....

So this is why they are so strange - now it ALL makes sense....in a weird way.....

"The more we sees her - the more we can't stand her..."

She is going down, down and down! Read this. Buh bye Scary Sarah

No ice for you but plenty of $$$$ for Wall Street boys.

Read this:

Clumsy oaf of a foot!

I was sleeping ohhhh so soundly last night, dreaming of a big hunk of swiss cheese when "he" got up and stood ON ONE OF MY PRECIOUS TAIL FEATHERS!
Can you BELIEVE IT??
The unmitigated RUDENESS and lack of common hospitality!
Thanks a lot for spoiling a wonderful dream, "Big Foot!"
Don't worry - I'll get YOU when you LEAST expect it!! tee hee.....

Come one, come all , come and get your bone part!!

Several friends have expressed concerns over the tenor of our last post respecting recent downturns in the market.
Rest assured, Bob, "Bear", and I are sitting in the proverbial CATBIRD SEAT, whatever or wherever that is, although I am assured it is a good place. We prefer to hold our property in real goods of intrinsic value. We have three trunks of toys, not counting our holdings in the "Well of Toys", about which, incidentally, I have an update later in this post.
In addition, we have a SUBSTANTIAL cache in the "Bowl o' Bones." Today, we added a very nice Little Froggie(!!!) to our collection, as well as a tasty donut boney. "Bear" tells me we also have valuable futures contracts in the liver, cheese, and kibble markets, although our freeze-dried codfish tidbits had to be sold SHORT for inferior salmon and chicken substitutes (yucky!)

As to the news from the "Well of Toys", preliminary forensic reports indicate that "Tortle" (remember the "new" old dude??) contains unidentifiable fibers which may NOT be a earthly origin. Wow!!!!!!
Was he left here by a Time Traveler, or is he an extra-terrestrial? ?????
Who knew? Unfortunately, I buried him under some pillows the other day and CAN'T FIND HIM (!!) - just like a squirrel - I AM part squirrel - did you know? You DIDN'T??? How very RUDE of you!! Sometimes I REALLY don't know why I ever bother to keep up with this stupid blog if you WON'T EVEN PAY ATTENTION!!!
Well, anyway - old Bob is extremely annoyed. He was googling the other night and found out that turtles can be TWO HUNDRED MILLION years old! Yowzah!!!

Go figure. This thing might be 200 million years old.

Where did all my money go?? I want it back!

How it all fell apart. Read and weep!

Can you see me? I'm hiding.

I heard a big noise that went BUMP in the night but I was too scared to go downstairs so I just thought I'd hang around at the top to "keep an eye on things."
If anything got ROUGH - don't worry I would dispatch old Bob to investigate.
He really is very stealthy....and dangerous, too.
Don't let that cute, little fuzzy yellow "coat" of his fool you - he's a bad actor!!

Better put your bones and toys in a safe deposit box!

Read this scary article.

Ouch! Rethug senators caught flatfooted!

Somebody is definitely a "high maintenance" gal.

See article

Life is so much better when you get your "Palin" name!!

Give yourself a "Palinized" name and your life will improve 100%. (sarcasm....)


Just call me:

Krinkle Bearcat Palin

Kitty better watch out!!! I warned you....

See what happens when you mess with a "doorway" to another dimension. Kitty go "bye bye."

Make the scary people go away!

The song of the turtle OR "I'm SOOOO depressed!"

Yesterday, while searching in the "Well of Toys" (fancy name for my toy box) Bob discovered the above guy. We found him way down deep - as you can see - he is pretty "beat up" looking - all "fuzzed out." Bob thinks he's probably a "time traveler", or was left there by a REAL time traveler. We're sending him out forensic testing (!!) which should clear up the mystery.

To be honest - I think he's a pretty cool, little "beat up" dude and what is really neat is that, if you listen close, he hums a little song - I can't figure out what he's saying yet but its pretty great - that he an SING at all!!
"Bear" says he told him his name is "Tortie" and that he was a buddy, not of the "dead one"(you remember HIM - the one in the JAR!!) but the one they had BEFORE that one. His name was "Fumi." I'm glad I don't have a goofy name like that ! Ugh!
Anyway, "Bear" says "Tortie" told him that I am a REINCARNATION of "Fumi" and that is why he has mysteriously appeared in my toy box. "Fumi" sent him to me as a symbol to show that he approves of MY being HIM. HUH????? Now this is just TOO WEIRD!
I think ole "Bear" better lay off the corn pone - fresh or moldy!
"Bear" says his song sounds to him like a bird tweeting - I hope he's not a reincarnated BIRD, too, cuz I HATE BIRDS!
They make me want to puke with all their tweetering and friggin' TWITTERING. They wake me up in the morning just when I am having an excellent dream about cheese or chasing the "Poo'Poo's" who live two doors down!

Wouldn't you know it - the great nutcase , "Bear" says my hatred of birds is further proof that I am the first dead kid after all cuz he heard that he hated birds, too!
BWAAAAAA! I don't WANNA be a re-incarnated dead guy! HELP!!!

"What is the Bush Doctrine?"

"In what respect, Charleeeee?"

GOTCHA!

And ANOTHER one for the books!!
This place is a MADHOUSE!
But let me tell you something, there definitely is such a thing as the THRILL of the hunt. After breakfast this morning, when "he" waltzed off to the "Farmers’ Market" (i.e. local gin mill...) I’m just recovering from the stress of "her" rearranging the WHOLE living room, including my toy box (!!), when I sense an ALIEN presence, namely the hideous monster pictured on your left!
How would YOU like to go head to head with that thing? It wasn’t easy!!!

All day long I hunted it.
You may say it is "small" game, but, hey, I’m not a giant, you know. "She" said I became "aggressive" but I was REALLY just hot on the trail!!
Take another a GOOD look at that critter. Creepy, huh??? Anyway, later on "he" comes home (from the "Farmer's Market" - hah!!) and finds Mr. Icky Fly person skittering around on the windowpane in the bedroom. He is a "Buddhist" (whatEVAH!) so he wants to "liberate" it (how "60's"!!) by shooing it out the window.

Now, I’m willing to oblige, but like I say, there are limits to one’s endurance.
The fly/monster had a choice. Up and to the right, freedom. Down, well, there’s where yours truly waited to offer the proper encouragement. And I really did intend to help it out. But, you know, in the end, instinct took over. A well-placed whack from the FURRY FISTS of FURY and the rest was history...chomp...chomp....chomp. To the victor go the spoils!!

Kitties? Well, if you insist.....

Do you REALLY like .....cats? You can hit on the word "cats" and see if there are any near you RIGHT NOW! Be careful.....

Coolio!

The stinky ole fish! Ewwwwwwww....

Awwwwwwwwww.....

Look what I got yesterday! Isn't he adorable?? I named him "Green Boy."
They went out to buy some flowers, cocoa, electric toothbrushes, jeans, sweaters, hair spray, winter squash and "mineral water" (scotch...) and came home with "Greenie." Yay me!
Bob is sooooooo jealous but how could I resist him and you should hear him squeak!
"Green Boy" is my new #2 best friend.
Bob says I'm getting ready to send him off into the "sunset" (whatever that means...) cuz of his little fur/skin "problem"with but I say NO WAY, BOBBY!
Who ELSE am I going to go zombie hunting with?
Oh, Dr. Mandm's office just called and they said those weird spot's on his "arf" side (he has 4 words on him - I'll tell you the rest later...) is just the mange. Whew! We were worried! Poor ole guy feels a LOT better! I think we will have a little "partay" tonight involving us and a fresh jug of corn pone!
YES!

Adorable Maltillion brutally attacked!

Who would'a thunk it??? I was getting off the elevator yesterday, minding my own "bidness" when the JAWS OF DEATH came charging right at me! If "he" hadn't scooped me up just in the nick o' time I would be "chopped steak" for the droopy jawed b*stard who almost killed me.
Whew! I wasn't myself all night and no amount of single malty ice cubes could repair the psychological damage that was heaped on my poor psyche!

We're "in" for it!

Follow this link to see what we are in for if she gets to be president - or even VP!

SO THIS is how they are duplicating us!

Well, yesterday was another one for the books. I’m upstairs having a little nap under the bed in the Cave of Dreams, the most wonderful place in all the world, when I hear this god-awful clatter. Now I’ve heard this before coming from this weird machine (see photo) and I always bark and it stops, but today something jumped out at me, a doppelganger, that’s right a two-dimensional copy of, dare I say it, ME!!

WTF! How is it possible? It looks just like my adorable self that adorns the heading of this blog. Needless to say, I barked a real LOT! She got a big bang out of this and kept showing me the thing and telling me it was just a "picture". I don’t think so!!

Bear says the machine is a doorway to another "dimension" like the hole under the stairs (now nailed shut with 4,878 nails!!!) One WIERD thing is....things come out of this monsterbut they don’t go in.
Hmmmmmmm..... Maybe he is on to something. It might explain how these "pods" are duplicating people, like the one who tried to copy Spongebobby, creepy "Bubba Bob" (UGH!!!!).
We are going to be up googling like mad tonight. Bob is brewing up a big brew full of corn pone as I type right now. I do not intend to stop barking at this "door" and anything that comes out of it until I get some answers!!! And I mean that!!!

RUN!

If you have a tail, a hoof, claw, or snout - if old Sarah's coming - you'd better WATCH OUT!


You'll wind up on her wall, her couch or her shelf and if there's no room for you - she'll just eat you up herself!

She'll start with your eyeballs and work her way from there and by the time she's finished your bones will be picked BARE!
Just sayin'...

Eeew! Bob had to go to the Dr.!

I set up an appointment THREE MONTHS ago with Dr. Mandm, a noted fuzzologist. He is in great demand as there are soooo many fuzzballs around here that they keep him hopping with their various pilling and piling problems. There must be 4,854 stuffed animals in this crazy household (!)
Bob was real nervous about going for his appointment, in fact, he hardly slept all night. He got there early but had to wait an hour in the waiting room and then 45 minutes in the little examination room.
By the time the "doc" came in he was a basket case and his blood pressure was way off the charts - 11/4 (!) - that is HIGH for a sponge!
Dr. Mandm told him not to worry, though, because it was, probably, just a case of "green coat hypertension."
Anyhoo - he checked out the skin thingees and 'said he didn't think it was anything but to "watch it" and come back in a month! Sheesh. Bob was really relieved and went home and went straight under the bed for a nap - he hasn't come out since but it isn't unusual for a sponge ("Bob") to sleep for 3 or 4 days - like hibernation. Good ole Bob!
Let's keep our paws and dewclaws crossed that its not serious!!

Who loves ya, baby?

'Not looking too good for Bob's "beloved"...

I don't want to say anything but....well, you can see for yourself - "Miss Apple" has seen better days.
They were GOING TO make applesauce but, as usual, they "forgot" (!)
Can you spell "L O O S A H' S???"
So NOW what?
Bobby is still smitten but he's noticed that something is not right here.
I wish I could help out ('was going to pull the old "switcheroo" with a NEW apple but THEY didn't bring one home from the Farmer's Market this week - "loosah's!!")
Hey, can I get some help here??

They're COMING! They're COMING!!

You think I'm KIDDING don't you? Admit it! You think I'm just a paranoid, pampered pooch with an over-active imagination.
I know what you're thinking! (remember that witchdoctor who read my mind? I learned a LOT from her...)
But I digress - I have to be constantly on guard around here as these two I happen to live with ("him" and "her") don't have a CLUE as to what is going on!
If it weren't for me and Bob - they would be either ZOMBIES or VAMPIRES by now OR they would be "duplicates" of themselves, of course.
And yet they go around "lalalalalalalalala" like everything is just SWELL! HAH!!!
Stupido!

You thought I was, like, kidding??

We tunneled through that hole in the stairs last night (where are your local vampire exterminators when you need them?) to check out what we could see over there.
The place was in pitch darkness and there was this weird moaning going. We were scared stiff so we just slithered along real s l o w...
Then just as we were coming out of the tunnel this dude threw the lights on and JUMPED OUT AT US! We were scared sh*tless so we turned around and started to run back but he made a LUNGE at us and that furry FIEND tried to pull me back by my luxurious, long tail!
We JUST got away in the nick o' time back through the tunnel. I heard the big hairy vampire beast call the little hairy vampire "Lester."
Today we are going to pound about 10,999 million NAILS into that stair hole!
WHEW!!! THAT was a close call!

Just an ordinary Tuesday...

Good morning!

Yesterday was just an ordinary Tuesday on Lake Shore Drive with all our typical neighborhood vampires and zombies skittering all about - hither and yon.
Very normal, don't you think? What were folks doing in YOUR neighborhood, pray tell? Hanging out at Starbucks? Getting a French pedicure? Reading "Wonkette" ?
WELL, up HERE we do things differently(!)
Some of "our" zombies played croquet, one next door took a sun bath, while the vampires practiced on their skateboards.
WHAT you may ask were VAMPIRE'S doing out in the SUNSHINE?
Hmmmm, now that I think about it - it was quite odd! Bob and I have to do some googlin' on that one - we'll "get back to you." HAHAHA - don't hold your breath!
- Ya, it was just an ordinary Tuesday on the north side of Chicago.
Nothing to see - move along!

Bob is in love!

They brought her home from the Farmer's Market the other day and as soon as Bob lay eyes on her on the table - he was smitten.
Hmmmmph!
Now he won't play with me anymore - he just sits around all day staring up at the kitchen counter where she (he?) sits in the vegetable bin.
I told him she/he would just break his heart (if he had one...) but he doesn't pay any attention to me.
I heard them saying they are going to make applesauce tonight. I guess that's one way to end a budding romance...

The nightmare begins...

OK, OK, I don’t know what to make of this, but it certainly makes you think. I mean, here I am having a little nap with Spongebobby and "Bear"(a good simple soul) and I start getting these weird vibes, these telepathic messages, from someone who calls himself "Bear" but who ISN'T "Bear" - do you understand? Ya, I know its complicated but its good for your brain to manuver stories like this. Its THERAPY, OK??
Anyway, I always thought of ole "Bear" as something like furniture - in fact, I used him to cover up Bob sometimes with him. Now it seems he is, or pretends to be, something more. Who knew?

So here’s what he tells me - He is "Bear.". He is the true SPIRIT of ole sleeping "Bear" (like his SOUL...) WTF! This is getting too weird!

But wait, then he tells me that the vampires next door are not vampires at all, but watermelon pods like in that movie, "Invasion of the Bodysnatcher's." Remember - the trucks with all those PODS in them that were taking over REAL people and duplicating them??
Turns out that "false"Bob (remember him - the one they wanted to TRICK me with???) –This is how the POD people work. They make copies of people when they’re asleep. I don’t know what the hell to believe but I'm afraid to go sleepy bye now in case I might be duplicated!! Yikes - I'm so confused between the POD people, and the.....others! I think we should MOVE! You know, like to the country where there are trees, and space and trees....and NO vampires, PODS or zombies, fer chrisssake!

More on this. Developing, as they say.

Pistol packin' mama!!

I hope Ms. "family values" VP candidate has her trusty AK 47 safely tucked away in the trunk of her snowmobile so all we animals will be safe while she has a "nip".

Somehow I don't trust that look in her eye - do you?

Me and Bob better "duck n' cover!" Wake us up when she goes away, ok?